Speech to Telshe Yeshivah, March '04
Siyum in Honor of Jenny Friedman z”l
sponsored and organized by HaReb Eli Cohen
Now, some people have great capabilities, but lay in bed all day and say oh it hurts me here or it hurts me there and they don’t USE their capabilities. Those people, Men, are losers. Avoid them at all costs.
Other people, have limited capabilities, but they use those limited capabilities to the fullest. That leads me to discuss my lovely daughter, Jenny Friedman, who was Nifter thirty days ago, February 16, at the age of twenty six and a half.
My daughter was born with a disability. Called trisomy 21. Each person has 24 pairs of genes; and I’m not talking about blue jeans! Trisomy 21 means that on the 21st chromosome instead of a pair of genes as there should be, there are three strands of genes instead of two. So there are three genes on the 21st chromosome. That is not “normal”. You and I only have two.
So, what does this mean? It meant that when she was born there were a lot of naysayers. She’ll never do that, and she’ll never do that. She’ll never walk. She’ll never talk. She will be “retarded”. Put her away, they said. She’ll never amount to anything, they said. There were so many people who could tell me what she couldn’t do. Men, do you understand? But there was no one who could tell me what she could do. Do you see the difference?
I tried to think of things that Jenny could do. So she could be proud of herself.
Men, you know it’s a tough world out there. And if you don’t like yourself, nobody else will. You have to have self-confidence. And I wanted to have my daughter have an extra helping; because she was born so to speak with both hands tied behind her back.
So, what would you think of? Well, the first thing I thought of was swimming. You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to swim! I taught Jenny to swim when she was one year old. I used to hold her in the pool with my hand beneath her back, and one day she just took off and never stopped. Jenny swam like a fish. And I know people today who are afraid to get in the water! And don’t even know how to swim at all! So Jenny could rightfully say, “I’m Jenny Friedman, I’m disabled, but you know what? I can swim better than you can!
And there were other things. Tai Kwan Do. We did it together. In those pajama outfits. Jenny learned how to kick and how to break boards. I bought a twelve foot 4x4 and rigged up a six inch tall balance beam in our backyard, to practice gymnastics. We would pretend we were in the Olympics, “And now, from Fort Myers, Florida, on the balance beam it’s Jenny Friedman!”
And Jenny was a good dresser. Just because you’re disabled, doesn’t mean you have to LOOK bad! Jenny wore only the best clothes. She was always dressed to the nines. Later, Jenny learned on her own how to Sign. With her hands. A professional once told me Jenny was an expert Signer! Who could have guessed?
And guess what? She liked herself. She really liked herself. She knew she had downs syndrome, but she didn’t care. She’d say, “Dad, I want to be the world’s first downs symdrome stand-up comedian!” I believe she would, because nothing she would ever do would ever surprise me.
But moreover, Jenny also liked other people. She always had a smile and a laugh. She loved to visit people, in the hospital, in jail, that’s right, we helped out Rabbi Scheiman the Prisoners Rabbi for the annual Khanukah parties at the Cook County Jail, and various fund-rasing events.
Jenny lived at Little City Foundation, a boarding school in Palatine during her teenage years, and she was appointed official spokesmodel for Little City. They used her Shana Punim [pretty face] on posters and fund-raising letters, and she met the Governor, famous celebrities and basketball players. Which led several of my friends to tell the old joke, when they saw Jenny with the Governor or some such famous personality, “I see Jenny, but who’s that person she’s with!”
I said to Jenny, you are doing a Huge Mitzvah for all these hundreds of disabled children and adults at Little City. With you pretty picture, you are a fund raiser! So some of them who aren’t so pretty and so nice, will have a roof over their head and food to eat! And she was proud of herself. She raised hundreds of thousands of dollars for Little City. Jenny fulfilled a mission. And she never gave up.
Men, the point is, she never gave up. She took what she had and she made the absolute best of it. And Men, that is what you can do too. You must. I used to tell Jenny all the time, “Friedman’s Never Give Up!” And to that, I paraphrase, “Telshers Never Give Up!” Use all that you have and Never Give Up.
And some people say, well, I’ll try. I’ll do my best. I’ll see what I can do. You know what? I don’t care. That doesn’t count. Somewhere in the Talmud, even I know this, somewhere in there it says, a Man is measured by his Actions not by his Words. So to say, “I’ll try my best” doesn’t count. You have to DO, not to try. YOU have the responsibility, YOU have the opportunity, YOU have the ability and YOU MUST carry on the Traditions of Yiddishkeit. Do it for ME, Eddie Friedman. Do it for my daughter’s memory, do it for Jenny. If not, you will regret it. Do it for Jenny Friedman. She never gave up. And you won’t either. Men, I’m counting on you!
©2006 Edward Friedman, Director