Following Jenny Friedman's death on February 16, 2004,
her father began to recall some amazing things that happened in Jenny's lifetime. They would come at odd times and at odd moments; and they did not come in chronological order. At a time when it would be least expected, a thought would come such as, wasn't that amazing that Jenny was the only member of her entire high school - and it was a big highs school - to visit her friend's grave far away? And wasn't it amazing that she alone had the vision to start a fund-raising campaign at the school to raise money for a headstone for her impoverished friend? These events called out to be written because, when you have one amazing event, that is something. When you have two, it is incredible. When you have dozens and dozens of amazing events, there is no choice but to chronicle these events and record them for posterity because something more is going on here. The only explanation is that the Good Lord had a Special Purpose for Jenny Friedman and she accomplished it.
Ergo, Mr Friedman began writing these events down and did not set out to write a book. After over two years of recording remembered events, Mr Friedman put it all together in chronological order and realized this is a book. And he calls it, "I Can Help You!"; the Jenny Friedman Story", because that is the exact phrase Jenny herself used in obtaining her job at Eagle Insurance Agency. Few potential employees ever realize what they want is not important to the employer; the important question is, how can YOU help the employer. Jenny Friedman may not have been a rocket scientist, but she knew what an employer wants. "I Can Help You!" epitomizes her life.
The following is a an excerpt from the book. You can purchase the entire book at http://www.cafepress.com/JennyFriedman.
"How a person who wasn’t supposed to amount to much; became an expert swimmer; an expert signer; a celebrity and friend of politicians, athletes and TV personalities alike; became a valued dues-paying member of her congregation; became a real estate owner and property tax payer; became a successful long-term employee of a major insurance company; became a beacon of hope and made a positive difference in many people’s lives; and most importantly gave her heart to others and became a dear friend, support and inspiration to many because she cared about her friends and followed up on it. Bound only by the ailments of her physical heart. She did what she had to do and she did the best she could with what she had. And never ever ever gave up.
Foreword
By all rights aerodynamically the bumblebee cannot fly. The engineering design is not there. The body is too large, the wings too small, it’s simply not physically possible. However, the bumblebee does not know this and so it flies anyway!
Chapter 23 “A Monumental Friend”
“A Monumental Friend”. That’s what the Daily Herald newspaper called my daughter. Every time I hear those words it breaks me up because I am so proud. Jenny truly was a monumental friend. In more ways than one.
Jenny lived at the dorms at Little City Foundation in Palatine. She went to public school in the Palatine district.
Lawana Barton, Jenny’s friend from Palatine High School, died at age sixteen of an epileptic seizure. It was a sad case. The girl was born to an impoverished family. She had a host of medical bills with her condition growing up. As a result, DFS put her into foster care in the suburbs where she would be better cared for I suppose. So now we have a youngster not well living in foster care. Not a good combination as far as the Zechus of the family I imagine. And to die at sixteen, what a rotton shame.
The entire school was distraught. Some children had to undergo therapy. A few had to receive psychiatric care. They were basket cases. My feeling is, purely from a clinical viewpoint, it was all about them; how bad they felt. What about the subject of their morass.
Jenny, on the other hand, had a different idea. Whereas some fell to the ground so to speak with anxiety, Jenny’s response was a positive one – let’s hold a fund-raiser!
After checking it out, [it took a lot of calls], we discovered the girl was buried in the Memorial Gardens cemetery in far south suburban Homewood. Her family lived in Chicago. She went to foster care out in Palatine, twenty miles away. And was buried in Homewood, forty five miles southeast of there. It seemed a little unusual. It was a great distance from Palatine and no one had been to visit her. Jenny was the only one who took the trouble to find out, to search and to do. That alone would be Dayenu [enough].
We don’t normally get down that far. But as it popped up as fate would have it we were invited to a Bat Mitzvah in Flossmoor, not far away. We went to the Bat Mitzvah and had a terrific time. We did the chicken dance, the limbo [“How low can you go!”], the YMCA dance and all the other rites of the Bat Mitzvah world. [A few years later we were privileged to see the Village People live on stage at Ravinia in Highland Park perform their hit song “YMCA” and we danced in the aisles. It was a near-riot. I’m glad Jenny had a chance to see them.]
And when it was all over, Jenny said to me, “Dad, why don’t we go visit Lawana? And say Kaddish? [the Jewish prayer for the dead]”. Jenny, how can we say Kaddish? She’s not Jewish. “Oh, whatever.” It would have been hard to turn her down, since the suburb was on our way back if we didn’t take the highway. Off of Halsted & I-80.
When we go there, what did we find? Nothing. Nothing at all. The girl was buried in a paupers’ grave. You couldn’t tell what it was. About a hundred yards from the “regular” cemetery where there were “regular” headstones, we were on a sea of green. Looked like a fairway except not so nice and without balls. And precariously close to a sheer wall which led to a quarry. Fortunately there was a fence. But I wondered about the people below ground. What if they fell out into the quarry?
I didn’t tell Jenny because I didn’t want to alarm her, but the front office staff told me that in the paupers’ section to save money, the boxes were buried two deep. Kind of made me a little ill in the stomach but I felt no need to add insult to injury to Jenny. So when you’re visiting one person, you’re visiting the person beneath them too. Or visa versa. If you’re saying Kaddish for one person, … oh you get the idea.
The staff explained that the family was indigent and they had no money to offer towards burial or anything else. This I explained to Jenny. Lawana was buried there because apparently this particular cemetery does pauper funerals for free. Perhaps there’s reimbursement from DFS.
We looked around. There were no markers. We found out later there were in fact a few modest markers, but they had been removed for “landscaping”? You just couldn’t tell this was a cemetery. It could have been a ball field.
Jenny said to me, “Dad, we have to do something.” What, Jenny. “We have to put up a marker for Lawana.” Jenny, that’s a wonderful idea, but I don’t have the money. You don’t have the money. Markers are expensive. Thousands. You don’t understand. [Thinking that downs people don’t understand that markers cost money.] It’s very nice of you, Jenny, but there’s no way! You have a good soul, a good Neshamah. But forget it!
“I have an idea.” What is it. “We can hold a fund-raiser.” What? Where? “I’ll call the principal at Palatine High, Nancy Robb.” You know the principal? “Sure! Of course I know her!”
Well I really thought Jenny was reaching for the stars. But I said nothing to daunt her. No reason to throw cold water on it. Let her have her inspiration. Est Gezindter Heidt. No reason to be a naysayer. You have to dream big. Still, inside I felt it was an insurmountable task.
I know that I always felt intimidated when I was in school and I tried to stay as far away from the principal’s office as possible so as to stay completely off the radar screen. My dean in college didn’t even know my name until the last week of school. “Oh, Ed!” Yes. “How come I haven’t known you better! Where have you been?” The less I saw the principal the happier I was.
A week or so went by. Jenny says to me, “I talked to Mrs Robb.” Yes. “She said it was a terrific idea.” Yes? “They’re gonna put it in the school newspaper.” What? “All the students and teachers will give a few dollars.” Wow! “And when we have enough cash, we’ll buy a headstone!” Way to go! Unbelievable. You amaze me.
Needless to say, I was very very proud of my daughter. Who knew that a person who had very little expectations would have such a big heart AND the ability to carry it out! Lots of people have big ideas, but how many DO something about it! And how many of those are SUCCESSFUL in what they do? I was amazed. And how many students from Palatine High had the gumption to visit the cemetery anyway forty five miles away in the first place? None except Jenny. And it’s a huge school. The whole thing is truly amazing. It’s called dedication, courage and caring.
Jenny? Downs syndrome? For someone who’s supposed to be disabled, she sure was a firecracker. That’s my daughter.
A reporter saw the article in the school newspaper and called Jenny for an interview! The Daily Herald picked up the story and published it all over the northwest suburbs from Park Ridge to Barrington and points in between. The reporter entitled the article, “A Monumental Friend”. With a picture of Jenny majestically looking out over the paupers’ field like Washington crossing the Delaware or like Moses looking out over the Promised Land. [I took the picture that first day.] And the public started to make donations.
The high school alumni association threw in a large donation, three hundred dollars. Janitors gave. Students gave. Teachers gave. Lunchroom ladies. A little bit here, a little bit there. Everyone pitched in. Jenny’s teacher, Miss Peggy Bayles, gave a sizable amount to top it off. And through the school year, Jenny raised two thousand dollars. And Lawana Barton got a stone. And I bet she’s the only member of her family to have a Jewish star – the Mogen Dovid – on her tombstone as well as the Palatine Fighting Pirates insignia. [Probably the only member of her family to have a tombstone.] That’s my Jenny!
Some face trauma and need intensive therapy; some face disaster and hold a fund-raiser. That’s the difference between some people and my daughter.
Here’s the article. The picture caption reads, “Jenny Friedman stands near a muddy field in a Homewood cemetery where her friend and Palatine High School classmate, Lawana Barton, is buried. Teachers, parents and students at the school are raising money to buy a headstone for Barton.”
“A Monumental Friend”
“ Palatine girl leads the effort to mark classmate’s grave site”
[June 8, 1998, Arlington Heights, Illinois] “The memory of Lawana Barton’s short difficult life could have been buried forever with her in an unmarked grave in south suburban Homewood. But thanks to an idea of Barton’s friend and efforts of the Palatine High School community, Barton’s life will be given an everlasting tribute.
Barton, who suffered from a seizure disorder, died unexpectedly last November at the age of 16. At the time, she was living with a foster family in Rolling Meadows and attending special education classes at Palatine High.
After she died, several school friends went to her funeral in Homewood, and one student wrote a poem in honor of the young woman whom Peggy Bayles, the department chair for special education at Palatine High, called “friendly, smiling and easygoing”.
But it wasn’t until Barton’s friend, Jenny Friedman, visited her grave last month that efforts to spruce up Barton’s final resting place began.
Upset to see that Barton was buried in a muddy field with no headstone or landscaping, Friedman told her father Edward, “We have to do something.”
Friedman, who lives in Palatine, attended school with Barton and graduated from Palatine High Sunday.
Friedman took her concerns to Palatine High officials, and with the help of faculty members and the parent VIP Club, set up a fund-raiser to amass a few thousand dollars to buy a gravestone for Barton.
School officials told us the story and of course we immediately said we would [help out], said Sue Gould, a board member and past president of the VIP Club. “We were all touched when we found out.”
“I’m very proud of her”, said Edward Friedman of Chicago, Jenny’s father. “There’s always such bad news on the news these days it’s almost scary to watch it. But this shows that people care about each other and are willing to help out.”
Though formal plans on what the headstone will say haven’t yet been made, Jenny Friedman said that if it were up to her, it would read, “Lawana Barton: beautiful smile, bright, a good friend from Palatine High School.”
May she rest in peace.
© 2006 by JBF